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you know it's been a struggle around here lately. and part of that struggle has been realizing i need to focus more on my blessings, and less on my shortcomings, and throw up a little gratitude. like every day. maybe even every hour. well, the best laid plans...and, then i saw middle sissy was part of a group of bloggers spending the next 21 days focusing on gratitude, so i jumped on that bandwagon as it drove by. care to join me?
day uno - today i'm grateful for little nudges
this morning, i woke up at 4:40. maybe i went back to sleep, but i checked the clock again at 5:35, then got up at 5:45 when i felt a nudge saying 'get up with me and read your bible'. i really wanted to turn over and try to go back to sleep. really. but, i knew where that nudge came from - the spirit i've been looking searching for, so i climbed out of bed, grabbed my bible, journal and a blanket and set off for another room.
i got comfortable, and was a little nervous about opening my bible. it's truly embarrassing how little i know about the bible, so i was worried i'd turn to hellfire and brimstone, and just be full of fear for the day. well, when you're nudged outta bed, there's likely a plan. and, darned if i didn't turn to - out of 1500 pages - my most favorite scripture verse ever. the one that's gotten me thru yikes after whoa after you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me. the one i mighta posted as a facebook status. just.last.week.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~jeremiah 29:11
now if that didn't knock me on my rump! let me just say again - out of 1500 pages! the next verses are awesome, too. so imagine my surprise when i read middle sissy's gratitude post, and she had jeremiah 29:13 in hers.
after a little reflection and some praying, i decided to work on my homework for bible study, and guess what scripture showed up there?! pay attention to those little nudges - you'll never know where they might lead!
around here, there's been some strugglin'. some kickin' and screamin'. definitely some tears. and lots'a questions...
is this what i should be doing? am i fostering my extrovert by sitting alone inside all day? what am i doing with my life? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
maybe it's my age. maybe it's the various crudola life's thrown at me (so not any worse than anyone else's crudola). maybe it's cause my sissies live nowhere near me.
whatever it is, it's got me looking - SEARCHING - for my spirit. yes, i'm getting 'spirit'ual up in here. i know we've never chatted about that holy higher power, the man upstairs, you know, God, but here we are. because i struggle. every day.
and, really and truly, through the shoulders he's provided me to cry on, through the powerful words of scripture he's laid at my fingertips, through people who've shared similar experiences at the right moment, through the family and man he's given to love me unconditionally, even when i doubt and doubt and doubt, i know he's got my back.
a wise man told me the holy spirit talks oh so softly, and sometimes we have to be so, so quiet to hear. um, being quiet? not my forté. well, i'm working on it. the stillness. the listening. the HEARING. the BEing instead of the DOing.
so, i wrote this today in case any of you are struggling; if any of you are looking for your spirit. i read a blog pretty frequently, and that girl is all about shouting her faith from the rooftops. she's a serious inspiration. with really good taste in music! check her out. today, she had these words to say (her words come to my eyes and ears at THE most perfect times):
God is bigger than your biggest mess and your impossible dreams and your heartache and your pain. your broken marriage and your severed relationships. He's bigger than your depression and He's bigger than your troubled background. He's bigger than that hidden sin in your heart and your secret relationships. He's bigger than your breakup and He's bigger than your abuser. He is bigger than your perspective and your unbelief.
our God is called Redeemer for a reason.
let me say that one more time.
our God is called Redeemer for a reason.
the Hope of this God is free to everyone who believes.
believe that there is hope in your situation because God says there is.
He is enough for you.
i Hope. because God says to. and, i Hope these words bring light to any darkness you might be experiencing. love to you all!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~romans 15:13
do you ever have one of those days when you realize you're in control of nothin'? well, yesterday was one of those days for me. so, i gave in. i.gave.in. took a mental health day. a break. a deep, cleansing breath. i gave in.
i slept in til 9:30. i caught up on daily blog reads. i made a date with the latest real simple over brunch. (i found TDF [to die for]gravy, which is saying a whole helluva lot around here.)
i christened my toes the perfect shade of turquoise to match my blue mood, then admired them against the waters of elliott bay and the gorgeous skies overhead.
i cracked open a bottle of vino at the respectable hour of 3 pm and cheerzed (it's a word, people!) myself, with the space needle as my backdrop.
and, i thought. i realized how much i take this city and it's gorgeous water and cool breezes for granted. how much i take everything for granted. my mamma. my sweet sistys. my lovely, wonderful husband, and his UN.CON.DISH.ON.AL love. he loves me with no conditions. not even one. my God, who still saves me with his Grace, no matter how many times i sin or ignore Him.
so, i had one of those days and i'm sure i'll have another one. but, not so long ago, i decided to let go, and let God. so, that's what i'm doing. i don't know where tomorrow will take me, but i know this is just a fleeting moment.
and, i want to tell you, those of you with all your support, and your holding me up when my load is just.too.heavy, you will NEVER, EVER know how much the support is/was needed. thank you. for the unconditional. for the understanding. for the virtual kickstand.
i'm truly not sure how i got so lucky, but i'm done with the taking it for granted. now, go hug your loved ones, cause they just might not be here tomorrow.
for i know the plans i have for you, says the Lord.
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you a hope and a future.
~jeremiah 29:11
