Wednesday, August 22

finding my spirit

around here, there's been some strugglin'. some kickin' and screamin'. definitely some tears. and lots'a questions...

is this what i should be doing? am i fostering my extrovert by sitting alone inside all day? what am i doing with my life? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

maybe it's my age. maybe it's the various crudola life's thrown at me (so not any worse than anyone else's crudola). maybe it's cause my sissies live nowhere near me. 

whatever it is, it's got me looking - SEARCHING - for my spirit. yes, i'm getting 'spirit'ual up in here. i know we've never chatted about that holy higher power, the man upstairs, you know, God, but here we are. because i struggle. every day.

and, really and truly, through the shoulders he's provided me to cry on, through the powerful words of scripture he's laid at my fingertips, through people who've shared similar experiences at the right moment, through the family and man he's given to love me unconditionally, even when i doubt and doubt and doubt, i know he's got my back.

a wise man told me the holy spirit talks oh so softly, and sometimes we have to be so, so quiet to hear. um, being quiet? not my forté. well, i'm working on it. the stillness. the listening. the HEARING. the BEing instead of the DOing.

so, i wrote this today in case any of you are struggling; if any of you are looking for your spirit. i read a blog pretty frequently, and that girl is all about shouting her faith from the rooftops. she's a serious inspiration. with really good taste in music! check her out. today, she had these words to say (her words come to my eyes and ears at THE most perfect times):
God is bigger than your biggest mess and your impossible dreams and your heartache and your pain. your broken marriage and your severed relationships. He's bigger than your depression and He's bigger than your troubled background. He's bigger than that hidden sin in your heart and your secret relationships. He's bigger than your breakup and He's bigger than your abuser. He is bigger than your perspective and your unbelief.
our God is called Redeemer for a reason.
let me say that one more time.
our God is called Redeemer for a reason.
the Hope of this God is free to everyone who believes.
believe that there is hope in your situation because God says there is.
He is enough for you.
i Hope. because God says to. and, i Hope these words bring light to any darkness you might be experiencing. love to you all!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.      ~romans 15:13


  1. i love you and i think youre amazing and I think your work speaks VOLUMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    P.S. and i like your taste in music and I love that you love JESUS

  2. Hi there! Well to answer your question, yes, I have and currently am feeling like this. Your first two paragraphs hit it right on!! Oh my, so true. Fortunately, I do know God very well...His Holy Spirit, I'm in constant interaction every moment of every day. Yet, I still struggle with the WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? All. The Time. The Holy Spirit is our Comfort...He gives us discernment and wisdom in times such as this and many others, but gosh, it's sooo hard! Right now I trying to debate on stepping out in faith or being patient and faithful in this time. I'm a mother, wife and somewhere down in there I'm still ME. The girl who had dreams before I had 3 amazing little ones and married a handsome guy <3. Those dreams, goals and aspirations are still there, not seeming to go anywhere any time soon. That's my struggle. I have so many people on one side telling me that 'I can't' 'not right now' and I'm like AHHHHHHH! You don't understand!! But I heard a great thing the other day. Alot of people like to take a particular scripture and throw it back in God's face like, 'Ha! Rememberrrr You promised...You would give us the desires of our heart' [Romans]. The voice over the radio said, though this is true we forget the remainder of this those who delight themselves in the Lord. Which one is first in your life? For me, I was stuck. He went on to say that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, do you think those desires would still be there? Maybe when we delight ourselves in the Lord and His goodness our hearts begin to change and soon...those desires. Anyway, of course he explained it a whole lot better that I can. Hope you get the point though.
    So for you, I am so thrilled to hear you are seeking your "spiritual side". The bible says though that its the Holy Spirit that draws you near. Get it? God's doing something big in your life and I believe that your 'is this what your supposed to be doing in life' will be addressed soon enough!
    Much love and pure blessings!


  3. Hugs, friend. Hope to see you soon. xoxo

  4. This gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes love you!! You're always welcome to come visit your sisties!

  5. Great post Raeann...just catching up now! I feel like this a lot too. I work I a satellite office alone and there are days that I don't see anyone! Please font stop doing what your doing though because you are amazing!!! Love ya girl!!!


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